Prepare

So this shit I been seeing on the news is for real. Just the other day I was watching shit on TV saying to the O.G that this is all over dramatized bullshit. Well I never really used those words in front of the O.G... But as I was saying. – I really don’t think the credit crunch is as bad they make it out to be. I thought, yeah! thank fuck I don’t work in the banking sector! and I’m not saying that cause I don’t like numbers, but those poor numerical nerds were all getting sacked left, right and centre... Ha Ha that’ll teach me. I started realising maybe this is genuinely happening when I heard of like 3 people in a week get either retrenched or their company going bust. It’s always a little more serious when its close to home, you really know people that are being affected. I should’ve started to suspect things were becoming fishy when I wasn’t paid on time. It took me like 9 days to get my salary. And I was fucked ff about that, now I am doubly fucked off... well not really. But believe for dramatic effect. Then today and email starts flying around about overtime and cabs and all kinds of cost-cutting crap. Ric and I had an awesome dinner tonight, and for dessert ..... I got terminated. Perfect timing actually... I mean the phone call. Atleast I got to enjoy my dinner, you just don’t want mother fuckers phoning you whilst you’re eating, and especially if they are about to tell you no longer have a job. I think I took it kinda well. Apparently I am a valued member of the work force, and they look forward to working with me in the future (cough, Bullshit!). I now wonder if I was actually speaking to a recorded message (I have been caught like this before), it was so generic, it was like the words were being read off a cheap recycled page. I like to think they were carefully constructed meaningful cue cards that were printed on really nice paper with a great design and a silver font, no wait GOLD font, I sincerely hope they were. NO actually, If they were on nice paper, what the fuck are they thinking ! Save save save, Not! Retrench retrench retrench. Well after the call comes the shock. What just happened? I just had a great dinner !!! Mmm fajitas... No wait I think I was just told to fuck off - I couldn’t help but laugh. Side note > Over the last 2 weeks I have been working like 18 hour days. I have now got used to it. So this morning I woke up with a zest for life and an extreme version of ambition to go to my shitty work and be the best I can be. Well. I only had to do it for one day. Thank fuck thats over.... I’m talking about the hard work, not going to work... <> I think I was actually happy this happened. And I still am, kinda. Although there is never a good time to lose a job, unless you’re getting married & Have a kid on the way and have mortgage to pay (Then its really bad). I have all three. What the fuck am I gonna do.... Actually wait. I don’t have anything to worry about other that putting a roof over my head and supporting a rather industrial drinking habit. So its not that bad. If I calculate correctly I can actually do quite well, I’ll manage to drink a case of super strong 10% cider everyday for a month (without eating obviously) and still pay for my room. Wait here while I go to the off licence..... With all things considered, I haven’t really budgeted for the hospital fees, so my plan is flawed. So I guess its a whole new chapter, I would like to think that I am a positive person which is a good thing in this situation (see, I am even being positive about being positive. I must be positive). I will look upon this as the anomaly that is life and it’ll have to be one of those curve balls you duck and weave. By the general tone of this little rant I don’t appear to be that fussed unless I am masking some deep inner turmoil and I might kill myself by masturbation . I have tried that before... HA HA. (Even I find that funny, and I’m normally quite polite). Okay I admit. I was supposed to be talking about a very serious matter but I can’t, its a little to surreal at the mo. At the end of the day its just gonna be fun finding something else, as long as I can get a pay increase, have a two week holiday and go to a better job. I guess all this emotional turmoil will be worth it and then you wouldn’t have to listen to me trying to preach to you....

Musical Interludes of Justice - The Black Seeds.

Ooohhhweee !!! Damn that was good.

No words can truly describe the Black Seeds live, But I have to atleast mumble something in honour of such a great performance. Lead singer , Barnaby Weir announced it was gonna be a 2 hour set.... It was at this point I realised what a treat we were in for, and when I say “we” I am talking about being located in the centre of the New Zealand’s parallel universe, The Astoria , London. Even people who weren’t kiwi’s sounded like kiwi’s – maybe it was just to fit in. “No bru I only eat plankton! “, Please pickup your free kiwi accent kit at the door. They started with a rather mellow song, “Make a move” which brought my expectation levels for the gig down to a normal level. Those were soon quashed. Next song, “Come to me” played in so smoothly.... It sent everyone into a frenzy of bopping and grooving. 2 hours of musicianship is what it was all about. 8 people on stage in such harmony, It was going off ! Jam sessions lasting like ten minutes long with solos from each instrument, I have to say the two best must be ... or is it the three best - the guitar solos, the sax and the trumpets. There was even a period where the chap on the trumpet thingy played a note for like 3 minutes without taking a single breath.... It seemed like everything to amaze us, and it worked.... they held no stops back, sprinkling the air with their magic kiwi wand. I stood for periods in disbelief, shaking my head – other times I was like a dancing Orangutang waving my arms round squawking at the top of my voice - Totally involved in the moment. I could have been there alone and would not have cared. Saying that I was so glad to be able to take someone who was a total stranger to this and who had a thoroughly great time, thanks Ric. I have to pay tribute to another factor, the venue - Small with a massive uber quality ka-blam-oo jiggawatt sound system.

It did eventually have to come to an end. We were warned, this is our last song. Yeah right! Band left the stage. That’s when all the series of stomps , whistling began – actually anything that would make a noise so that we may recall them on stage . They always make you feel like they are not gonna come back on ... and then from out the darkness they appear. They thanked us for making them feel so welcome. The feeling was definitely mutual. I thought okay, this will be a quick song or two and it will be over . No. I was wrong. Way wrong. The bastards tricked me royal. The encore started as if it were aimed to calm us down. The theme of emotional trickery continued - Looking back they did it a few times in the night, they would play a couple songs that would get us in hysteria and then they’d slow it down, give us a breather..... and then let rip at our senses again. Well the encore was the same. I was almost ready to go home... Mentally I had now prepared myself for the end. We were hit with more...after that it was another story, song after song it was better and better. It lasted another 4 songs, somewhere in the region of 25 minutes. Those guys are just fantastic. If there was a reason I emigrated it would be this.... the jam sessions , damn those jam sessions.... “Musical interludes of justice!” is what they shall now be referred to as....

I left happy sweaty pig. A question that popped into my mind was how the fuck is Rancid (which is in ten days) the best punk rock band of the decade ever gonna compete with this, I doubt it can? It was sincerely the best gig I have been to this year ... a sensory overload.

Conversation is not art!

I clearly have to talk about something else, ironically it would be conversation. I have begun to doubt myself. On the one hand I constantly say to myself I am seriously bad at conversation on the other hand I constantly impress myself with my ability to hold a conversation. I think it stems from the fact that it takes alot of mental effort for me to approach a conversation with someone. I hate to come across false as this is a pet hate of mine, I have always prided myself in not being artificial. What you see is what you get; this obviously is not always achieved and is often masked with being facetious. What a clever mask it is. The art of conversation has drawn my attention as of late and I have been making many attempts to improve my skills in this area, and i guess what it turns out the art of conversation does not lie in talking but listening. How fucken confusing is that.... in order to communicate well, which is typically associated with broadcasting one’s thoughts is actually best achieved with sincere listening. So the goal is asking the right questions actually, ask open ended questions so you have to talk less and nod more. Who fucken knew that conversation would actually be so easy.

Socratic Dialect

One thing I am gonna battle with is the ability not to come across too serious, I like to think I am not the most serious of people but I do tend to find myself philosophising the moment I start to write. It becomes formal platform. Talking is far simpler. Maybe I should invent a talking blog - shit, then I’d probably worry that my voice sounds funny. Okay so we’re just gonna stick with the writing and I’m gonna make it like I am talking to you. Although this is gonna be a bit of a one sided conversation, so I suppose I can let you talk to yourself at the same time too... but you’re only allowed to talk once I’ve finished, else it’d be rude...

Hey no talking!

Approval and Pretence.

My first subject naturally would then be about approval and pretence. Clearly this has been on my brain lately and I feel I need to express these thoughts. Recently only recently have I discovered that the world is suffering at the high cost of pretence, or is it just maybe me... anyway I am one of the many souls guilty of this. Thankfully I realise it, but is it worth it? I suppose that its part of human nature to want to be accepted, but is it so hard for people to value other people’s opinions without betraying one’s own integrity. This is where I fail. I feel guilty because I have problem saying no to people for I assume I will disappoint people. I feel sometimes that I’d rather suffer the consequences and make someone happy; often I end up with the short end of the stick. I question myself as to why I do it, and for the most part, the only answer I have come to me so far is that I seek approval. Surely sacrificing yourself merely for the approval of others is destructive? Is the sensation of approval worth it? This is a question I live with... But apparently the need for approval outweighs the consequences of losing personal integrity. But is it actually your values that you are adjusting circumstantially or is it just compromise itself. I don’t know. It’ll come down to a circumstance I guess. What was my point to begin with.... I don’t mind as long as it’s okay with you!

The beginning of some somthing....

This is my blog. I was gonna take time and write something profound and powerful for the first paragraph but fortunately I can’t... so in a manageable fashion I ultimately hope to expose myself for what I am. Overtime this will evolve and we’ll find direction... I can only assume there will be lots of ranting and arguments with myself and I hope, a little zany humour - All this in an effort to express myself. The inability to consistently do it visually, I have resorted to a more simplistic approach for people to understand me. I feel it healthy to free my opinion, let myself be known and possibly understood .... I have often found myself wanting to tell the world something, something that I feel is deeply important... but actually I just want to be heard. I sought advice from a good friend, Lewis before making this initial post and one of the things I was encouraged to do was not to sacrifice my integrity. So I am going to try true to myself and without the restrictions for your approval, else what would the point of this blog be?